1. |
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I need you to tell me who I am supposed to be
I'll conceive a new me and turn into the person that you say you need
I need you tell me how I take up all the space
I can't face all the ways that your feelings are not the kind I can escape
I need you to gnaw on all my insecurities
If you chew on the gristle I swear I won't bristle in between your teeth
I need you to rip out my heart so that it is safe
It is bottomless, swollen, and I am beholden when these feelings chafe
I need you to tell me who I am supposed to be
I'll conceive a new me and turn into the person that you say you need
I need you tell me how I take up all the space
Tell me what I should be
You know better than me
Tell me what I should do
I can't live without you
Tell me what I should be
I don't know
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2. |
Change
04:01
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I'll never learn
It's my greatest shame
You have me to spurn
Because I'll never change
I'll never change
When I waltz the way they want
A wistful, wilting whimper weaves and wavers in the wind
Whipping on the wicked one-way window
This worn and wordless wish is wasted on warping wisdom
I'll never learn
It's my greatest shame
You have me to spurn
Because I'll never change
I'll never change
Let me lose myself to loneliness
And learn to listen to the lame and listless lullaby
Living in the land of endless lateness
I'll lie in lieu of laughing at this luckless lottery
I am going nowhere
I forget all that transpired
Always in a moment
never have I felt so tired
I will see you clearly
Until that image expires
As I plug in all the wrong circuits
Sparking this tangle of wires
I'll never learn
It's my greatest shame
You have me to spurn
Because I'll never change
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3. |
Easier
02:49
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You know it’s easy to be shitty
And say that you’re just overwhelmed
Maybe you fooled them for a short while
But then the show is over
It’s easier to be an asshole
And lie until you’ve gained some ground
And it is true you’ll have the last word
But then curtain hits you on it’s way down
You know it’s easy to forget things
It makes you fuck up all your lines
It’s easier to never fix them
But no one wants to listen
It’s easier to be a victim
And never bother to atone
And if you cannot watch your own show
Then you will always always be alone
If I know I don’t know when I don’t know,
Then if I don’t know,
I should know that I’m wrong about being wronged,
Because I’m wrong about you being wrong
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
You know it’s easy to be vicious
And say that you are justified
But if you’re always interrupting
Then it’s a lonely spotlight
It’s easier to be reactive
And improvise things on a dime
But when you’re always in the moment
Then you are slashing at your only lifeline
If I know I don’t know when I don’t know,
Then if I don’t know,
I should know that I’m wrong about being wronged,
Because I’m wrong about you being wrong
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
You think that you control your feelings
And you can hide them at your will
Do you take pride in your concealing
And think it makes you look good?
Are you still so enthusiastic
To show the world your noble goals
Well it takes work to face your demons
And if it’s easy then you’re still an asshole
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4. |
The Animal
03:04
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The animal runs the show but doesn't even know
The animal calls the shots while screaming that it's not
The animal bares its teeth and wrings itself around the seed
that's burning red and vibrates with feral energy
That shakes my pen while I try to connect A to B
The animal is so fearsome you won't see its tears
The animal is ashamed and probably deranged
The animal's screaming to protect the seed inside of me
that's burning red and vibrates with feral energy
That shakes my pen as I try to connect A to B
The scholar says see how the line could be straight
The scholar says see how the line could be straight
The scholar says why can't you make the line straight
The scholar says why can't you make the line straight
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5. |
The Tornado
03:05
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I'm fighting the air
The enemy that isn't there
I'll stab this tornado with words like knives
And scare it with more debris
I did my best
In this fog of war
By which I mean I treated you like worse than trash
'Cause I won't even throw you away
Or listen when you say
"The tornado isn't real"
I just frown and feel your forehead
Call the doctor, act out my concern
Without trying to learn all the ways I made things worse
And put myself first
Now the arms race is on
I'll attack that swirling hellscape
'Cause inside my armor I will never understand
That I'm aiming my artillery inside our bunker and destroying us
I'm destroying us
On this beautiful day
I promise to remember this time
This beautiful day
These days are hard for you I know
I promise...
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6. |
Open Sea
03:25
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Don’t you fear me, can’t you see?
That you’re my easy prey
My snapping jaws and sharpened teeth
Ensure I get my way
Can’t you see you’re easy prey?
I’ll chase you blindly in the water
And snap my jaws to get my way
I am my father’s daughter
Yet I am shivering again
In the freezing ocean
Drowning dizzy with the bends
Of frightening emotions
Shivering inside the ocean
Terrified that I’ll be slaughtered
Drowning dizzy with emotions
I am my mothers daughter
I was wrong
Baby I’ve been like them too long
Now I know
That it takes honesty to grow
Following the lazy shoal
I’d be no one if I weren’t
Shimmering among the whole
Along the fickle current
I’d be no one if I weren’t
Drinking in the empty gospel
So I’ll obey the fickle current
I am its meek apostle
I was wrong
Baby I’ve been like them too long
Now I know
That it takes honesty to grow
I’ll come home
Baby I left you all alone
Wait for me
I will swim back from open sea
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7. |
Two Figures
03:48
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We found two figures hanging in the stairs of my parent’s house
They’re like a mobile for a cradle made of concrete walls
We try to save them as we hold them up in our trembling arms
The hatchet’s buried ‘cause we cannot bear to cut them down
A man just shot me in a movie theater among all my friends
They tell me I’ll be fine so I follow them to a crowded bar
Nobody notices me stumbling toward the pickup truck
I call and you say that you’re coming right away, it’ll be okay
I’m scared to analyze the embers of the coals you’ve walked on for two years
I want to turn away instead of seeing all the parts of you I’ve burned and seared
I want to love you
I want to love you
The way you love me
I wake up desperate to explain to you all the ways I care
Forgot I learned that gestures full of love aren’t always kind
I want to hold you but my hands are sieves you are falling through
It’s painful mending holes but it’s not as bad as embracing air
I have to analyze the embers of the coals you’ve walked on for two years
I want to turn away, instead I’m seeing all the parts of you I’ve burned and seared
I want to love you
I want to love you
The way you love me
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8. |
Beautiful Tree
03:49
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I don’t blame you for leaving
Though I still don’t think it was only me
But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears
And grow into a beautiful tree
I know that I am grieving
And it’s painful that you’ll never see
That I’m finally free from the wretched rock
And’ll grow into a beautiful tree
For what it’s worth it made me sad to hear about your dad
Even though I know you didn’t want to tell me
The symbol’s gone, but you’ll live on,
This time without us pounding on the wilting steel behind your face
That’s disguised as the softest silken blanket
And now you’re free.
But I will love you, my buzzing Bee,
Even as you fly away from me.
I don’t blame you for leaving
Though I still don’t think it was only me
But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears
And grow into a beautiful tree
I know that I am grieving
And it’s painful that you’ll never see
That I’m finally free from the wretched rock
And’ll grow into a beautiful tree
My darling look me in the eye and trust that I am kind
Even though I know it’s too late for rebuilding
‘Cause you were wrong, I’m not your mom
She never understood the vibrant colors in your gentle heart
No wonder you expect denial and bile
And though you’re smart
You stung me with all those sharp remarks
As dawn began to ripple through the dark
Of course I know it’s right
For you to say goodbye
But you’ll always be a part of me
It’s the reason I’ll be fine
I don’t blame you for leaving
Though I still don’t think it was only me
But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears
And grow into a beautiful tree
I know that I am grieving
And it’s painful that you’ll never see
That I’m finally free from the wretched rock
And’ll grow into a beautiful tree
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Goldfeather New York
Goldfeather is an experimental pop band based out of New York City. The whimsical brainchild of Sarah Goldfeather and Mike Tierney, Goldfeather’s music has been described as “a nightmare funhouse-mirror take on Carly Rae Jepson-style upbeat pop [that is] deeply disconcerting and outrageously fun” (National Sawdust Log) and “giddy, cute, vulnerable, and delightful” (I Care If You Listen). ... more
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