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Change

by Goldfeather

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1.
I need you to tell me who I am supposed to be I'll conceive a new me and turn into the person that you say you need I need you tell me how I take up all the space I can't face all the ways that your feelings are not the kind I can escape I need you to gnaw on all my insecurities If you chew on the gristle I swear I won't bristle in between your teeth I need you to rip out my heart so that it is safe It is bottomless, swollen, and I am beholden when these feelings chafe I need you to tell me who I am supposed to be I'll conceive a new me and turn into the person that you say you need I need you tell me how I take up all the space Tell me what I should be You know better than me Tell me what I should do I can't live without you Tell me what I should be I don't know
2.
Change 04:01
I'll never learn It's my greatest shame You have me to spurn Because I'll never change I'll never change When I waltz the way they want A wistful, wilting whimper weaves and wavers in the wind Whipping on the wicked one-way window This worn and wordless wish is wasted on warping wisdom I'll never learn It's my greatest shame You have me to spurn Because I'll never change I'll never change Let me lose myself to loneliness And learn to listen to the lame and listless lullaby Living in the land of endless lateness I'll lie in lieu of laughing at this luckless lottery I am going nowhere I forget all that transpired Always in a moment never have I felt so tired I will see you clearly Until that image expires As I plug in all the wrong circuits Sparking this tangle of wires I'll never learn It's my greatest shame You have me to spurn Because I'll never change
3.
Easier 02:49
You know it’s easy to be shitty And say that you’re just overwhelmed Maybe you fooled them for a short while But then the show is over It’s easier to be an asshole And lie until you’ve gained some ground And it is true you’ll have the last word But then curtain hits you on it’s way down You know it’s easy to forget things It makes you fuck up all your lines It’s easier to never fix them But no one wants to listen It’s easier to be a victim And never bother to atone And if you cannot watch your own show Then you will always always be alone If I know I don’t know when I don’t know, Then if I don’t know, I should know that I’m wrong about being wronged, Because I’m wrong about you being wrong Now I know Now I know Now I know You know it’s easy to be vicious And say that you are justified But if you’re always interrupting Then it’s a lonely spotlight It’s easier to be reactive And improvise things on a dime But when you’re always in the moment Then you are slashing at your only lifeline If I know I don’t know when I don’t know, Then if I don’t know, I should know that I’m wrong about being wronged, Because I’m wrong about you being wrong Now I know Now I know Now I know You think that you control your feelings And you can hide them at your will Do you take pride in your concealing And think it makes you look good? Are you still so enthusiastic To show the world your noble goals Well it takes work to face your demons And if it’s easy then you’re still an asshole
4.
The Animal 03:04
The animal runs the show but doesn't even know The animal calls the shots while screaming that it's not The animal bares its teeth and wrings itself around the seed that's burning red and vibrates with feral energy That shakes my pen while I try to connect A to B The animal is so fearsome you won't see its tears The animal is ashamed and probably deranged The animal's screaming to protect the seed inside of me that's burning red and vibrates with feral energy That shakes my pen as I try to connect A to B The scholar says see how the line could be straight The scholar says see how the line could be straight The scholar says why can't you make the line straight The scholar says why can't you make the line straight
5.
The Tornado 03:05
I'm fighting the air The enemy that isn't there I'll stab this tornado with words like knives And scare it with more debris I did my best In this fog of war By which I mean I treated you like worse than trash 'Cause I won't even throw you away Or listen when you say "The tornado isn't real" I just frown and feel your forehead Call the doctor, act out my concern Without trying to learn all the ways I made things worse And put myself first Now the arms race is on I'll attack that swirling hellscape 'Cause inside my armor I will never understand That I'm aiming my artillery inside our bunker and destroying us I'm destroying us On this beautiful day I promise to remember this time This beautiful day These days are hard for you I know I promise...
6.
Open Sea 03:25
Don’t you fear me, can’t you see? That you’re my easy prey My snapping jaws and sharpened teeth Ensure I get my way Can’t you see you’re easy prey? I’ll chase you blindly in the water And snap my jaws to get my way I am my father’s daughter Yet I am shivering again In the freezing ocean Drowning dizzy with the bends Of frightening emotions Shivering inside the ocean Terrified that I’ll be slaughtered Drowning dizzy with emotions I am my mothers daughter I was wrong Baby I’ve been like them too long Now I know That it takes honesty to grow Following the lazy shoal I’d be no one if I weren’t Shimmering among the whole Along the fickle current I’d be no one if I weren’t Drinking in the empty gospel So I’ll obey the fickle current I am its meek apostle I was wrong Baby I’ve been like them too long Now I know That it takes honesty to grow I’ll come home Baby I left you all alone Wait for me I will swim back from open sea
7.
Two Figures 03:48
We found two figures hanging in the stairs of my parent’s house They’re like a mobile for a cradle made of concrete walls We try to save them as we hold them up in our trembling arms The hatchet’s buried ‘cause we cannot bear to cut them down A man just shot me in a movie theater among all my friends They tell me I’ll be fine so I follow them to a crowded bar Nobody notices me stumbling toward the pickup truck I call and you say that you’re coming right away, it’ll be okay I’m scared to analyze the embers of the coals you’ve walked on for two years I want to turn away instead of seeing all the parts of you I’ve burned and seared I want to love you I want to love you The way you love me I wake up desperate to explain to you all the ways I care Forgot I learned that gestures full of love aren’t always kind I want to hold you but my hands are sieves you are falling through It’s painful mending holes but it’s not as bad as embracing air I have to analyze the embers of the coals you’ve walked on for two years I want to turn away, instead I’m seeing all the parts of you I’ve burned and seared I want to love you I want to love you The way you love me
8.
I don’t blame you for leaving Though I still don’t think it was only me But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears And grow into a beautiful tree I know that I am grieving And it’s painful that you’ll never see That I’m finally free from the wretched rock And’ll grow into a beautiful tree For what it’s worth it made me sad to hear about your dad Even though I know you didn’t want to tell me The symbol’s gone, but you’ll live on, This time without us pounding on the wilting steel behind your face That’s disguised as the softest silken blanket And now you’re free. But I will love you, my buzzing Bee, Even as you fly away from me. I don’t blame you for leaving Though I still don’t think it was only me But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears And grow into a beautiful tree I know that I am grieving And it’s painful that you’ll never see That I’m finally free from the wretched rock And’ll grow into a beautiful tree My darling look me in the eye and trust that I am kind Even though I know it’s too late for rebuilding ‘Cause you were wrong, I’m not your mom She never understood the vibrant colors in your gentle heart No wonder you expect denial and bile And though you’re smart You stung me with all those sharp remarks As dawn began to ripple through the dark Of course I know it’s right For you to say goodbye But you’ll always be a part of me It’s the reason I’ll be fine I don’t blame you for leaving Though I still don’t think it was only me But I’ll face the sun let it dry my tears And grow into a beautiful tree I know that I am grieving And it’s painful that you’ll never see That I’m finally free from the wretched rock And’ll grow into a beautiful tree

about

CHANGE is an album that tells the story of volatile emotions, loss, and growth within an unraveling relationship. It boomerangs from feelings ranging from insecurity, helplessness, despair, anxiety, rage, remorse, and at the end, the painfully ecstatic joy of a protagonist who has faced her demons and rooted herself in resilience. Each song has a catchy melody that is underscored by unusual vocal and electronic effects and unpredictable key and time signature changes. The overall mood of the album ricochets between harsh, in-your-face electronics to beautifully rich orchestration. 

credits

released April 28, 2023

Written and arranged by Sarah Goldfeather and Mike Tierney
Lyrics by Sarah Goldfeather
Produced by Mike Tierney and Sarah Goldfeather
Mixed by Mike Tierney
Mastered by Alan Silverman

Live Drums: Nicole Patrick
Additional vocals: Nathan Koci, Katie Martucci Dylan Mckinstry
Mandolin: Dylan McKinstry
Double Bass: Evan Runyon
Banjo: Hilary Hawke
Violin: Sarah Goldfeather

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Goldfeather New York

Goldfeather is an experimental pop band based out of New York City. The whimsical brainchild of Sarah Goldfeather and Mike Tierney, Goldfeather’s music has been described as “a nightmare funhouse-mirror take on Carly Rae Jepson-style upbeat pop [that is] deeply disconcerting and outrageously fun” (National Sawdust Log) and “giddy, cute, vulnerable, and delightful” (I Care If You Listen). ... more

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